give it up.

fleeing youthful lusts. i trust
that god has my best interest in mind. but find
that sometimes, i can't see the forest for the trees.
these "needs" of mine keep calling my name.
and sometimes, i listen.

i believe that he's got me by the hand, and
i understand that he wants only the best. but the test
is when it's friday night, cheap vodka in hand and
cat calls and whistling. that look that they give me! i know
it comes from him, i know he's trying to destroy me before God finishes.
i know that the very fires of hell lick at my feet.
and i know that if i looked away,
i would sink so low that i wouldn't even recognize me anymore.
i know because i've been there, i've been dead and i read
that handwriting on the wall, that said that unless i turned back,
i would fall with the city. this is sodom and gomorrah, and
god is visiting my house. am i too busy
trying to figure it out, trying to doubt and squinting my eyes,
looking for the sunrise with my own head,
instead of just allowing god to do his work? let him
do the hard part. i'll just follow. and believe.

this house of cards is falling down.
there's a knock at the door:
god's calling to you: get out.
are you gonna listen?