stream-of-consciousness seduction of selective transcriptions

hey you. what're you looking at?
looking for answers?
they're not here. looking for truth? they're not owned
by me either. looking
for a congratulatory hug? a gasp of concern? a
quick feel-up, or a warm collection of happy thoughts?
you probably won't find those here very often either. what
you will find is this:
a headstrong, heady, heinously insane, inescapably gamey,
lame, maybe crazy doozy of daisy-truck insights and fifth-inning delights,
guidances uttered never and clung to just as infrequently. peace
is inescapable, there is nothing new under the sun, doing things
god's way makes for a great refrigerator magnet, but
sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. and yes
i am the most cliched person i know. maybe
i am the only person i know. maybe you dont even exist to me.
on every other thursday, or before i've had my coffee. maybe
i've never had sex in my life, just had a whole world full of fucks
but maybe i'm just too insensitive to realize it if it did,
to see it or to believe it
to take it to that next level, where we can rest
for just that split-second, look around, and
be happy for a moment. maybe
i have no idea what's going on. maybe i
really don't know if this helps or if this hurts. damn,
i'm so utterly dependent and independent and undependable,
it drives me mad. or,
at least it would,
if i wasn't already there.
so where to now? where do i go, who do i unload on next?
i try to be right, and i fail. i try to
discard the right, citing my failure. but
i can't bring myself to do it. in the end, God
is good. and His ways are not mine. and i'll never get past
my insecurities, or my inabilities, or my desire to destroy.
but still, He leads on, and lives on,
and once in a while,
He uses me for something.
so,
i guess,
i like this.