unanswered questions, still after all these seconds

the enthusiasm of youth is tempered by the wisdom of adulthood. but which one is right? is there a balance somewhere? i have no choice but to go round and round and round again, or else
just to give up. neither of which sound particularly appetizing at this moment. i want to learn from my mistakes, but how can i know that i have learned? and which ones were mistakes? realizations are so very very fleeting, and only after much pain do they come. at what cost does wisdom visit one's house? and how many unwanted guests does she invite in? i cry and cry and cry out for an answer, but find none. i cannot blame God; it is only my way of accessing God that needs bending. forming the world in His hands was so simple and yet i will never understand even that, not ever. i will go around and around and around again, learning fast and learning slow and not learning at all, maturing throughout the entire process-- whatever that even means. god gives rest whenever we need it, it seems-- and we say when-- but are we missing out on something when we do? and can man survive on faith alone? am i using my talents for evil, even when i am convinced otherwise? i see the paradoxes in everything, and they bring me no hope-- although hope is always at my fingertips, i can stop typing whenever i want and just be happy and forget about all this for just a little longer
hey, this seems like a good place to end