living near my heart

did you know that the best way to get what you want is just to go and get it?

just go and get it.
and my job, my self-proclaimed title as liver of the adventure life, voyager into the unknown, companies me with the best that this world has to offer, as i head out into the forest.

rachel has my heart, it's in virginia, apt.6, behind that door, twelve steps back and a turn to the left, it's in there, and she's holding on to it as it beats away.

i don't concentrate, i don't want this life anymore, this apartment-job-friends-family anymore. i want the road, i can hear it calling our names, the dark line of street lamps continuing into infinity, and i think of it often.

and i am coming.
--but not just i, this time, not just me the me of yesterday, not the me who traveled and dreamed and wanted to see, but the me of today--
and this me is staying forever. this me actually listens,
to reason, to responsibility.
this me dreams, but these bring not the fighting and strife that those old ones did, but
they bring out the best in me, in us, in her
i love her and she loves me, and i will always give this up, this right here
in the blink of an eye
if i need to


but it's not going away, it's not going away anymore
and i don't need those pills to find it either
and it stays, it stays and doesn't give me stage fright, or
bring back those bad bad thoughts that were here before
no, i was told to wait and so that's what i did-
for months, my soul in hibernation, wondering if it would ever come forth again
it's now, though, on this day, four twenty oh nine, that that old groundhog in my mind comes creeping out again
and i know how, i know how
to listen

(she taught me)