Living The Adventure Life

i hate this life, i really do, this one where you
fight for the right to be numb, where you try to fuel the silence,
keeping friends at arm's distance, telling yourself they're all the way in
moving around so fast you stay in place, not seeing anything new just checking off the boxes all the way there's no stopping now

and no i don't know who god is, so why don't you stop asking
and no i don't know what the hell i am getting myself into i really don't
and no i don't know if i'm even living 'in sin' whatever the hell that even means
i'm just one fucked up kid trying to feel it all right, whether it's ups or it's downs
i'm screaming out for help but it seems like no one is listening sometimes and i really need to vent i really do i just give and give but i think sometimes i just give my disease away cuz
all i've got is bad news to offer, and lots of that
oh yes i got a new job, it's seven twenty five an hour with young moms and old dropouts
oh yes maybe some day i could get eight something so let's keep our hopes up shall we? i just want to
throw it all away and start it all over dancing like i did last summer when times were high and people were crazy and meaningful and things made sense
i need to write, i need it to survive, i need to feed the fire inside, my desire i hide so often trying to keep it away but it's the only way i know to show myself out,

please god just show me a way out of this mess i can't go up or down without not finding you it seems like you are just so incomprehensible i hate it it's so painful where are you any more anyway why do i need to search to find you i thought this world was your place why are you nowhere i want to feel your arms around me and feel as though the world will end and i won't care
god teach me, oh teach me! i desire you! please oh please teach me your ways